Comfort – Sunday Devotional

My eyes have become strained from looking for your promise.
I ask, “When will you comfort me?”

Psalms 119:82 (God’s Word translation)

There have been many times in my life when it has been a struggle to look at God’s Word instead of circumstances.  When I was between the ages of 14 and 17, there was a lot going on, and I definitely did not have a normal teenage growing up experience.

Every decision I made during that time was life or death, literally.  The doctors and medical science were telling me one thing, but my faith, my God, and my heart were telling me something completely different.  According to the doctors, I needed to have somethings done, and nobody outside of my family (and even some within the family) understood when I decided to NOT do what the doctor’s were advising.

The next three years were torture for me.  Even though I was digging into the Bible, and learning how His Word related to the situation I was going through, my mind was still a terrifying place to be.  Looking back now, it was completely understandable.  I was a teenage girl, not only was I in a physical and spiritual battle of life and death, I was also well . . . growing up.  Life didn’t put itself on hold just because I was going through a tough time.

There came a time when I had to make a choice.  Despite the fact that I knew God’s Word and had an active relationship with Him, doubts echoed through my mind every single hour of every day.  That was my hardest test I’ve ever experience in my walk with God, but it changed the way I live my life.

So one day, I broke down in the living room, and had a crazy shouting match with my mother in the living room about the existence of God, and if anything we were doing was worthwhile, or if I should just give it all up and live my life however I wanted, because according to the doctor’s, I could drop dead anytime if this condition wasn’t monitored.

That was when I learned what faith truly is.  Standing fast in the face of doubt and not allowing it to influence you.  Standing your ground when no one else understands why.  And most of all, standing when you can’t hear the voice of God.

Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful.  –  Hebrews 10:23 NKJV

Even when we can’t hear Him, He is faithful.  Even when no one else will believe with us, He is faithful.  Even when we can’t go a minute without doubt trying to tear down our confession, He is faithful.

For what if some did not believe? Will their unbelief make the faithfulness of God without effect?  Certainly not! Indeed, let God be true but every man a liar. As it is written:

      “ That You may be justified in Your words,
      And may overcome when You are judged.”

Romans 3:3-4 NKJV

If you will stand your ground, God will always come through.  It may take time – it took 3 years for me, but at the end of three years, when every test that the doctors ran on me came back with completely normal results, it was worth every struggle along the way.

This week, I’ve almost had the same sort of struggle.  It wasn’t life or death, not even physical, but rather with the story I’m working on for NaNoWriMo.  This story will have allegorical elements and definite religious undertones, and I’m approaching the part where people will change, expectations will fail, and it will affect every future decision of one character, and it has to happen this way.

I’ve been working on this scene all week long, and it’s responsible for my extremely low daily word counts this week.  I’m only a little more than halfway through it, and while some of my readers will think this is a very controversial scene because it’s very . . . mature.  But it is THE turning point of the story.  Also, the beauty of first drafts is that I can edit and tweak it later and make it better to how I want it written in the end.  However, it is vital that I get this scene down with at least the essence of it right the first time, because I don’t know if I can go through this again.  It’s very intense.

What happens in this scene will change a character so much that it is the catalyst for most of what will happen in the rest of the story.  It really is, in many ways, the butterfly flapping its wings that will cause a hurricane.

This week, I can say that my eyes definitely felt the strain of staring at a computer screen for hours at a time.  I felt the emotional strain of watching it play on repeat over and over and over again in my mind, but with the frustration of having to take it slowly so that I got it right.

There’s still the climax of the scene that I have to write, and it promises to be as much work as what I have just done this week.  However, I think I’m now in the feel of the scene, and can continue to write without losing my pacing as much.

My comfort is finally arriving.  I wouldn’t call it fulfillment, because this part of the story will end tragically, but I will have the comfort of knowing that it is finally down on paper after eight years.

So no matter the situation in your life right now, whether it is frustration with a story, or something that God promised you long ago that has not come to fulfillment yet, don’t give up.  Keep fighting.

Nevertheless My lovingkindness I will not utterly take from him, Nor allow My faithfulness to fail.  –  Psalms 89:33